My Wandering Mind...

A few days ago, I was devastated with the news of an old friend’s fatal accident. A few phone conversations later, I became painfully aware of how little we know of what actually goes on in the lives of our dear ones, family and friends. In this day and age of absolute connectivity, when everyone is just a call/message or a shout away, we are actually losing all connections. Facebook updates and posts, Instagram pictures, are all filled with positive, happy moments…but what happens in the dark moments? Until that fatal day, I believed my friend was living the life, her media posts boasted of her sons’ achievements, her public presence and acclaim, all pointed in that direction and I thought that she had moved away from being a troubled teenager into a happy adulthood. I could not have been more wrong is what those few phone calls told me. 

My daughter insisted that it was an issue with my generation and that we did not share our problems. I am not convinced that this is a problem merely with people of my generation. I think this has more to do with technology and the way it connects while actually disconnecting. In the times when we were not so connected, it was easier to share… or was it? Fact is, I cannot pour my heart out in a phone conversation. I need a physical presence to be able to do that. I need the opposite person to see and feel my pain, not just hear. I can have long conversations on the phone about everything and nothing. Most of these conversations evaporate from my brain even as I disconnect the call. And any reference to it is likely to leave me perplexed and trying to jog my memory to recollect the information, which I invariably cover up with suitably spaced “Oh ya ya” or “I Know”… or some such similarly inane phrases. This is not the case when we have face-to-face conversations. Our eyes, faces and bodies speak more then the actual words that we use, and they tell a story that goes way beyond the words. And our eyes, hear more then words can say and ask questions, that our tongues cannot. I have seen stories fall apart when faced with a steady attentive gaze that sees through the pretense. And even if the questions are not actually asked, the story teller knows that he/she has been seen through. A “are you ok” that comes with a concerned look expects more then the casual “oh ya” that is typically the answer that one would be inclined to give. The look asks more, expects more and sees more. How can this be replaced with a conversation over the phone?

While I love technology, I am realizing more and more that it makes it so easy to lie our way through anything, to cheat even when there is no need and hide from others and eventually from most reality. As a result, we know nothing about each other and say nothing. We read a lot and retain nothing. We go everywhere but enjoy nothing. But is this all? Is technology the only culprit?

Is it just me, or has it become more common to meet in groups and not in ones and two? Safety in numbers, they say… are we all hiding from each other and in the process ourselves? I find more and more that we meet people in small hoards, where conversation stays superficial and about fun and all things good. The slight hint of dissent seems to make everyone uncomfortable. We surround ourselves with music and sound to prevent ourselves from hearing our voices, both inner and outer. I love music…but for me, its something I appreciate in solitude, when I can absorb the beauty, the rhythm and the melody without any adulteration from anything else… and yet I find more and more friends suggesting we play some music when we are together…when the music plays, there are some who want to sing aloud with it and others who want to dance…and OH what a good time was had by all! But me, I prefer that we meet in a small group, better still in ones and twos…so we can converse, get to know about one another…perhaps learn from one another…evolve. Sadly, I find very few takers. Is it because we are afraid to face the reality, introspect or is it that we are afraid of being judged for what we are going through, or what we think and feel? Where does this need to put on a “All is well” show actually stem from? What would happen if I were to say, “all is NOT well”? If I cannot face/accept my own fears, problems or whatever, how do I share and lay myself bare to my own? And if I do not do that, how can they help?

And so the mind wanders…