It has been a while

Since I tried to arrange my thoughts

And put pen to paper

The disarray in my mind

If I could but paint

A splash of varied colors

Layered one upon the other

Overlapping and blended

Thoughts large and small

Important and trivial

Consuming all the space

In my brain

Till it’s ready to explode

If I could but

Segregate, separate and isolate

And clear the clutter

And then I think of the painting

That would then be

Isolated blotches of color

Separate and set apart

Boring and monotonous

Categorized and compartmentalized

Is that how I would want it?

No… no way

I prefer the colorful chaos

That messes up my mind

One thought flitting past swiftly

Blending in with another

Creating a different hue of

Fluid chaos…

All on your own...

If only I could find some way

To wipe all the hurt away

If only I could find some way

To keep you close, to keep you safe

To keep you happy,

If only I could do all that and still

Let you grow

Into that wonderful person

That I know you will be some day

If I could find some way

To ensure that you

Become that person

Without going through life’s pains

If only I could find some way

That had no challenges

That was filled with laughter and joy.

If only I could find that path.

But the truth is,

I cannot find that which does not exist.

The truth is

That no matter how much I wish otherwise,

You will have to go through life’s trails

All on your own

The truth is

That I must ensure that you can

Surge high and reach the heights

That I know you will

All on your own

The truth is

Even though it breaks my heart

I must make you walk this difficult path

So that some day

You will know the way

All on your own

A Pastiche from Arvind...

 ‘Jinhe naaz hai hind par wo kahan hai…’

This song written by Sahir Ludhianvi Saab in 1957 for Gurudutt’s film Pyaasa became an immortal cult song replete with pathos and frustration of a common man unable to change the course of events in his country. Although written then in the context of prostitution and exploitation of women, the song still remains today a stark reminder of the current affairs in the country.

Here is an attempt that takes help of the sheer brilliance of Sahir Saab’s pen and extends it to today’s context.

ये लुटते हुए कारवां जिंदगी के 

ये बढ़ते हुए साये मुफलिसी के 

कहाँ है वो इन्सां यहाँ हमसे पूछे 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पर वो कहाँ है 

ये सूखी ज़मीनें, ये सेठों के बाज़ार 

सिसकते किसानों की मौतों से इंकार 

ये रिश्वत के सौदे, ये सौदों पे तक्रार 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पर  वो कहाँ है 

जवानों की बढ़ती ये बेख्वाब दुनिया 

ये पैसों पे पागल खुदगर्ज़ गलियां 

बिकती जहाँ खोकली रंग-रलियाँ 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पर वो कहाँ है 

उजले घरों में ये चांदी की खनखन 

अमीरी के नंगे इरादों की बनठन 

ये खैराती टुकडे औ टुकड़ों पे अनबन 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे वो कहाँ है 

यहाँ बिकती तालीम, बिकते गुरु भी 

मंदिर भी, गिरिजा भी, और मस्जिदें भी 

बिकता है मुल्क, बिक रही है गुरुरी 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे वो कहाँ है 

ये बेबाक नज़रें, ये गुस्ताख फितरे 

ये बर्बर जवानी के बरहम से शिकवे 

इन शिकवों के मासूम कलियों पे छींटे 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे वो कहाँ है 

मदद चाहती है हौव्वा की बेटी 

यशोदा की हमनिस, राधा की बेटी 

ये बीवी भी है, और बहन भी है, माँ भी 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे वो कहाँ है 

ज़रा मुल्क के रहबरों को बुलाओ 

ये लुटते और गिरते मंज़र दिखाओ 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे उनको लाओ 

जिन्हें नाज़ है हिन्द पे वो कहाँ है 

Relationships…

One of the most complex things in life, I feel, are relationships…and I am not talking about all the familial relationships or romantic ones. I am referring to relationships between any two individuals. Each relationship has a reference to context, some baggage, some expectations which affect the nature of the relationship over a period of time. However, even with people you have known for a pretty long time, there are always some things about their behavior that confuse you and often, this has to do with communication- the nature, the frequency or the lack of it.

One of those random conversations with a friend got me thinking…

If you look around you, usually you can categorize most of the people around you into 3 types (alright, I know that sounds simplistic… but bear with me)… and I am talking about people you have a relationship with, with whom you have shared interests, experiences and life in general.

There are the Self-Sufficient type - who are so occupied with themselves, that they never have time for anyone or anything else… and I don’t mean to run them down… it’s just that, that’s how/who they are. They are very involved in, their work, their issues, their problems, their successes and so on and basically don’t have the time, or feel the necessity to nurture relationships. They actually do not even think about anyone else or have any need for people. It’s not that they are not good with people or that if you were to put them amongst people they would be lost … or any such thing… it’s just that they will rarely initiate an interaction unless there is a need ( as in unless they have some work with the other person). There is no calling casually to check how you are doing or to say hey, let’s meet. They will rarely remember anything that happens in your life and have only temporary, superficial interest in it even when you are talking about it. However, another thing that is rather typical of this type is that if someone else initiates it, they will usually accept pretty pleasantly and also proceed to enjoy the interaction. And that makes one wonder why they do not initiate it?

Then there are the Needy ones – who have no hesitation in disturbing you whenever and wherever, if THEY wish to talk.. and insist that you listen/make time for them. They will forget your very existence until the day they have a problem that they need help with, in whatever form… to vent, to empathize, or something else. Their problems are always the biggest… so huge, and all encompassing that no solution you offer would actually fix it. They are also the kind who will go on the “why me” trip for which one rarely has the appropriate answer (I mean, come on, one cannot tell a bawling friend that her husband is getting jealous coz she has been flirting shamelessly, can you?). They are the kind who will ask you how you are, but never wait for the answer, or even hear the answer. Every conversation will be completely focused on them. They are also the kind who will brush aside everything in your life as insignificant…or turn it around on to something that happened to them and how that was sooo much bigger! This type is the seriously exhausting variety… take up time, energy and emotional bandwidth and leave you feeling like a used dish-cloth wrung out one time too many.

And then there are the Available ones - who make time for everything and everyone. Who will kill themselves to ensure that they remember to call you on every important day of your life. If you call and say I am down, they will make time to go have coffee with you…and their deadline be damned… they can always do with pulling an all-nighter to finish it… after all you need them. The problem with this type is that everyone seems to think they do not have a life and worse no one acknowledges it. No one bothers to ask them if they have a problem… in fact even when they come out and say they have a problem, they have a tough time finding someone to share it with. They are also the kind who can never seem to come out and say “I don’t have time” or “I am not interested” and as a result everyone tends to take them for granted.

Having said this, I would really like to hear some other viewpoints on the topic…