A few days ago, I was devastated with the news
of an old friend’s fatal accident. A few phone conversations later, I became
painfully aware of how little we know of what actually goes on in the lives of
our dear ones, family and friends. In this day and age of absolute
connectivity, when everyone is just a call/message or a shout away, we are
actually losing all connections. Facebook updates and posts, Instagram pictures,
are all filled with positive, happy moments…but what happens in the dark
moments? Until that fatal day, I believed my friend was living the life, her media
posts boasted of her sons’ achievements, her public presence and acclaim, all pointed
in that direction and I thought that she had moved away from being a troubled
teenager into a happy adulthood. I could not have been more wrong is what those
few phone calls told me.
My daughter insisted that it was an
issue with my generation and that we did not share our problems. I am not
convinced that this is a problem merely with people of my generation. I think
this has more to do with technology and the way it connects while actually disconnecting.
In the times when we were not so connected, it was easier to share… or was it?
Fact is, I cannot pour my heart out in a phone conversation. I need a physical
presence to be able to do that. I need the opposite person to see and feel my
pain, not just hear. I can have long conversations on the phone about
everything and nothing. Most of these conversations evaporate from my brain even
as I disconnect the call. And any reference to it is likely to leave me perplexed
and trying to jog my memory to recollect the information, which I invariably cover
up with suitably spaced “Oh ya ya” or “I Know”… or some such similarly inane
phrases. This is not the case when we have face-to-face conversations. Our eyes,
faces and bodies speak more then the actual words that we use, and they tell a
story that goes way beyond the words. And our eyes, hear more then words can
say and ask questions, that our tongues cannot. I have seen stories fall apart when
faced with a steady attentive gaze that sees through the pretense. And even if
the questions are not actually asked, the story teller knows that he/she has
been seen through. A “are you ok” that comes with a concerned look expects more
then the casual “oh ya” that is typically the answer that one would be inclined
to give. The look asks more, expects more and sees more. How can this be replaced
with a conversation over the phone?
While I love technology, I am realizing
more and more that it makes it so easy to lie our way through anything, to
cheat even when there is no need and hide from others and eventually from most
reality. As a result, we know nothing about each other and say nothing. We read
a lot and retain nothing. We go everywhere but enjoy nothing. But is this all?
Is technology the only culprit?
Is it just me, or has it become more common
to meet in groups and not in ones and two? Safety in numbers, they say… are we
all hiding from each other and in the process ourselves? I find more and more
that we meet people in small hoards, where conversation stays superficial and about
fun and all things good. The slight hint of dissent seems to make everyone
uncomfortable. We surround ourselves with music and sound to prevent ourselves
from hearing our voices, both inner and outer. I love music…but for me, its
something I appreciate in solitude, when I can absorb the beauty, the rhythm
and the melody without any adulteration from anything else… and yet I find more
and more friends suggesting we play some music when we are together…when the
music plays, there are some who want to sing aloud with it and others who want to
dance…and OH what a good time was had by all! But me, I prefer that we meet in
a small group, better still in ones and twos…so we can converse, get to know
about one another…perhaps learn from one another…evolve. Sadly, I find very few
takers. Is it because we are afraid to face the reality, introspect or is it
that we are afraid of being judged for what we are going through, or what we
think and feel? Where does this need to put on a “All is well” show actually stem
from? What would happen if I were to say, “all is NOT well”? If I cannot face/accept
my own fears, problems or whatever, how do I share and lay myself bare to my
own? And if I do not do that, how can they help?
And so the mind wanders…
